Common Sense Movie Reviews: Cliff Note

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Cliff Note Reviews #15

Cliff Note Reviews is an ongoing series where I briefly state my thoughts on recent films I've watched but don't have the desire to create a full review surrounding. Short and to the point opinions on films that might make decent weekend watchers when you have nothing else to do, films to completely stay away from, and occasionally a few highly recommended films that I simply don't feel need to be given a full review due to already overexposure.

Miracle Beach (1992)

I've always been a sucker for campy romantic comedies, especially the ones with a supernatural twist to them. It must be the helpless romantic in me, make a movie about a down on his luck guy who through some implausible avenues turns things around and becomes Mr. Popular, gets the girl, realizes he was cool the way he was and ends up getting a better girl, and I'm there. Throw in a genie and it only gets better for me. That's essentially Miracle Beach, homeless guy finds a genie, uses the genie to get a snob to like him while at the same time the genie is falling for him, guy finally comes to his senses when it's about too late. Throw in Mr. Miyagi and Dean Cain, a couple idiot friends and Miracle Beach has a little something for everyone. The only negative is they had to go and ruin what could have been an enjoyable film for everyone and raunchy it up with occasional pointless nudity, could have done without that. I'd never heard of this film before and stumbled across it on Netflix, it succeeds on campy humor and the lovely Jeannie (Ami Dolenz) steals the show as the adorable genie. (8/10)

She (1982)

Not sure if this film was meant to have any relation to the countless other "She" films, most notably Hammer's She which starred Ursula Andress or their sequel The Vengeance of She, I'd venture to guess probably not too much. This was another film I decided to watch out of the blue off of Netflix's instant viewing and actually found it quite enjoyable. It's tremendously corny and a blatant rip off of Max Mad, mixed with a few other strange cult sensations. Starring Sandahl Bergman, a 80's-90's popular B-movie actress, she's the supposed goddess She who rules a particular territory in a post-apocalyptic world and decides to help a couple travelers whose sister has been kidnapped. If you like extremely campy films it's worth a look. (7/10)

Hunk (1987)

As is the case most B-movies (especially those you've never heard of) they are extremely hit and miss. I lucked out on the two above, but Hunk wasn't the third. Hunk is the same kind of premise as Miracle Beach only the wimpy guy makes a deal with the Devil to basically look like a hunk and become popular. Things go good, things go terrible, things go back to normal and all works out in the end. It's the same overly recycled formula, sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't. Miracle Beach had some recognizable actors, and a couple good individual performances as well as a little heart. Hunk is really pretty hollow, stale and eventually a little boring. (5/10)

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

I'm one of the few people who actually dug the Tim Burton / Marky Mark Walberg version of the Planet of the Apes, and was quite disappointed when a sequel never took shape. Rise of the Planet of Apes exceeded my expectations, James Franco wasn't half bad, the animated apes weren't as unrealistic as I thought they'd be, and the writers actually did a good job of mixing emotion into the film. The only real negative is it's a little long winded at times, but definitely a worthy reboot to the series, hopefully this time they'll actually follow it up with a sequel. 8/10

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Never having seen much of the original 1981 version I can't comment on any comparison of quality or entertainment, although the original had Ursula Andress which isn't too shabby. But like most modern day remakes this version is definitely more flashy, and more explosive, it's your typical popcorn action film that most genre fans should enjoy. My only complaint is regarding Medusa, if she can only turn men into stone how does her head turn the kraken into stone... it's not a man... (7/10)

The Grey (2011)

As a Liam Neeson fan I wanted to like The Grey, but the film falters on so many levels that it's embarrassing. First off 95% of the dialogue is cursing, which is automatically a red flag that no one bothered to put together a script or story with any substance. Second the characters are so mind-numbingly annoying (in part due to the script, or lack there of) that you never care what happens to them, in fact you look forward to them getting picked off one by one so you don't have to see or hear them any longer. Third the film is way too long considering the quality of the script, with a plot that is incredibly one dimensional. And fourth, while the wolf attacks are pretty suspenseful they are so over-the-top absurd that the film quickly ceases to be minutely realistic and resembles a bad slasher film, but this is worse considering The Grey is actually trying to take itself seriously. (3/10)

Maroc 7 (1967)

As far as Euro-spy films go Maroc 7 isn't half bad, sure the story is ridiculous, the acting pretty awful and the twists somewhat predictable at times, but it's essentially a sub genre of B-movie so this is all something you should expect ahead of time. For me entertainment is the key to these films and does it keep a brisk pace and hold your attention? Maroc 7 ticked all those boxes for me, I was pleasantly surprised. You can check it out on Netflix Instant. 7/10

Society (1989)

Society is bizarre, for me that was about the only thing that kept me watching. Actually a majority of the film it's a pretty decent horror / mystery as a kid begins to feel out of place in his snobby family and their social network. But the final twenty minutes where everyone turns to putty and starts sucking on each other takes it all to a whole other level of bizarreness, for me that's when the film went from mildly entertaining to a blatant attempt to gross out viewers. It all doesn't add anything to the story and the fact they drag it out for so long seems to suggest they were grasping at straws for an ending and settled on any sort of shock value they could get as it adds nothing more to the film than that. Throw in the hot young Devin DeVasquez and Society is good for the first hour. 6/10

Five Golden Dragons (1967)

Five Golden Dragons is the type of Euro-spy film that's a chore to sit through. Between losing interest and falling asleep it took me a total of three individual sittings to make it through this and when it was all said and done I still couldn't figure out the point of the film. First off the film's plot and purpose was pretty vague and pointless, what's a guy from the US Treasury doing attempting to infiltrate and mob organization based in China? Second Robert Cummings in the lead only added to this film's pathetic existence, Euro-spy films are corny enough on their own, Cummings simply made it unbearable. Imagine a second rate Dick Van Dyke in a wannabe James Bond film and that's what you have here. The only real positive aspect I can comment on is the rest of the cast was pretty good, and in a better film would have brought something to the table, a lot of familiar cult icons such as Margaret Lee (who sings, easily the highlight), Klaus Kinski, Christopher Lee, and Maria Perschy. 3/10

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 1 (2010)

While most people have felt the Harry Potter series "just keeps on getting better", my opinon has been quite the opposite, I've thought the series has significantly gotten "stuffier"! Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was a series low for me with almost no action and a lot of childish love triangles, thankfully Deathly Hollows: Part 1 drags the series out of the mud and picks things up a bit. Still it's nowhere near as entertaining as the first couple of entries into the series. It's blatantly clear splitting the final book into two, two and a half hours films was one last greedy money grab to double profits as frankly there isn't enough meat on the bone in Part 1 to warrant such a long run-time, and that's clearly evident by a lot of dragged out dialog scenes, blank stare sessions and landscape shots. Still it's all an improvement over the angst teenage "twilight" drama of the previous episode, but like the last half of the series probably not something I'll ever want to sit through again. 7/10

Lifeforce (1985)

A unique spin on a plot that was probably played out even in 1985. Lifeforce attempts to give "new life" to the vampire genre by giving it a science fiction spin. The idea is interesting for a while, the special effects hold up remarkably well today, and Mathilda May walking around naked for almost the entire film definitely doesn't hurt the eyes, but after 45 minutes it all quickly mashes into simply a bizarre mash up between a vampire/alien invasion that still doesn't offer anything new to either genre. Patrick Stewart is sorely underused, and would have easily boosted the enjoyment factor of this film if he hadn't been thrown in that the end and given only five minutes, and I would have been more interested in seeing the film taken place solely in space, instead of turning into an alien vampire attack on Britain. 6/10

Witchboard (1986)

When Ouija boards attack! Witchboard is a boarder-line "so bad, it's good" film, which ultimately means for a B-movie horror film it's okay. The combination of the ridiculous plot, tremendous over acting by everyone involved and the beautiful redheaded Tawny Kitaen make it a viable Friday night film worth laughing over. How this ended up spawning two sequels in the early 1990's (and surprise, surprise a remake is currently in the works) I'll never understand, I can only imagine how awful the sequels are, and probably not even cheesy awful. There's so many far superior 1980's horror films out there this one is for the enthusiasts who simply can never have enough campy horror or people looking to relive some teenage memories. 5/10

A Fistful of Dollars (1964)

Ironically, as a big Eastwood western fan I don't know if I've ever seen A Fistful of Dollars in it's entirety before, the ending of course is iconic western cinema that has been duplicated in the likes of Back To Future Part III. I had completely forgot this was a remake of Yojimbo by director Akira Kurosawa, a film I struggled to stay awake through almost a year ago. Interestingly enough (according to IMDb.com) Kurosawa made more money off his 15% worldwide gross cut and certain exclusive distribution rights of A Fistful of Dollars in a handful of countries (which he obtained through a copyright lawsuit against the filmmakers) than he ever did off Yojimbo. I can't say that's a surprise, considering I've sat through Yojimbo, which is definitely an acquired taste. For me A Fistful of Dollars is highly superior in all regards, especially entertainment. It's Eastwood's first big foray into a major starring role and undoubtedly jump started his film career that would go on to spawn two more Italian westerns with director Sergio Leone and an excellent catalog of American westerns. And to think Clint Eastwood was behind a long list of A-list actors at the time (Henry Fonda, James Coburn, Charles Bronson) who were offered this role before he was eventually recommended by his Rawhide co-star who was offered it (and turned it down) before him! 9/10

For A Few Dollars More (1965)

Sergio Leone's follow up in The Man With No Name series sees Clint Eastwood return this time as a bounty hunter referred to as Manco (meaning one handed as Eastwood's character does almost everything, even fistfight, one handed, while the other hand is hidden behind his poncho and only used to quick draw). Manco teams up with Col. Douglas Mortimer (Lee Van Cleef), another bounty hunter, as they go after recently escaped prisoner El Indio whose got a $10,000 bounty on his head. Manco is in it purely for the money, Mortimer has a personal interest. This time around Eastwood's role suffers slightly having not as much screen time due to co-star Van Cleef (who while a great presence in the film still doesn't match the grit of Eastwood), but For A Few Dollars More offers the same caliber of entertainment gained in A Fistful of Dollars which I slightly prefer. 8/10

Timecop (1994)

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as Walker, a police officer whose recruited into a top secret government program that regulates time travel and prevents those from the present attempting to use it for personal gain. When Walker gets wind that a politician overseeing the program, and who is seeking presidential election, is using time travel to attempt to procure his control of the United States, he has to find a way to stop him. Personally I'm more of a Steven Seagal guy, and from what I've heard Seagal thinks Van Damme is pretty much a pansy, but I digress, Timecop is pretty enjoyable for what it is, pure action camp. The writers don't try too hard to keep all the time travel non-sense very cohesive, but if you can overlook the series of plot-holes and are a fan of unadulterated action, then it's definitely worth checking out. 7/10

Satanik (1968)

A badly deformed doctor gets a new lease on life with a formula that restores her beauty, but the effects are only temporary and the side effects deadly! Satanik is an odd mixture of Euro-crime meets horror, yet never the less the catchy soundtrack and the stunning Magda Konopka (also known for her smaller role in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth) make this one a decent view for any fan of Italian cult cinema. 7/10

Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)

A small California town is struck with a series of strange deaths that appear to have been caused by over exertion during intimate relations. Seems the town is resident to a lovely female with queen bee DNA and she's transforming the city's female population and taking out all the men! Invasion of the Bee Girls is about as B-movie as it gets. Nothing says B-movie more than this completely ridiculous plot that makes absolutely no sense, extremely campy dialog, multiple scenes of nudity, and the overly bizarre bee women transformation sequence where the victim is covered in pancake batter, zapped with radiation and stuck in a chamber where they're covered in bees. Despite the fact they emerge as man killing bee women, the process seems to be quite a proficient external makeover! The highlight of the film is easily cult B-movie actress Anitra Ford, whose catalog of roles is pretty limited to mostly TV series guest appearances and a few other cheesy roles. She plays sultry head queen bee who moonlights as a scientist, I got a kick out of the fact her character wears sun-glasses all the time inside and even at night, yet everyone is too stupid to bother to comment on this or her other bizarre activities, I guess beauty trumps bizarre. The film also co-stars another When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth veteran, Victoria Vetri, in a rather odd role for her as a scientist. 6/10

The Velvet Vampire (1971)

Vampire films are a dime a dozen, and B-movie vampire films are simply too numerous to count, but I've yet to see one more bizarre than The Velvet Vampire, which can be the only explanation why I actually sat through the entire 80 minutes of this truly horrible film. Basic premise, attractive woman (a vampire) ventures into the big city and invites a young unsuspecting couple to her desert getaway where she toys with them before going in for the kill. Just the idea of a vampire living in the desert breaks almost all the rules of the generational myths. Aside from that the story is extremely pointless, plodding and the main characters extremely annoying. Only positive thing I can say is the Thai movie poster for this film is fantastic, so the film's existence isn't a complete waste. 3/10

Morning Glory (2010)

Becky Fuller (Rachel McAdams) has a few months to turn around a dying Morning Show or her dreams of prime time news producer will forever be lost. But how do you save a show that's really got no hope of survival? I've loved Hollywood's girl next door (Rachel McAdams) ever since I saw Red Eye, and loved her even more when I finally got around to seeing The Notebook; throw in one of my all-time favorites (Harrison Ford) as the grumpy old man and not loving this film would have been difficult! It's a refreshing, well assembled comedy that falters only when it attempts to throw in a romantic twist with McAdams and Patrick Wilson, an aspect of the film that adds nothing to the story except slows it down. 8/10

Bad Teacher (2011)

After getting kicked to the curb by her wealthy fiancee, who realizes she was only using him for his money, Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) goes back to her old job of teaching junior high with the goal of saving up enough cash to buy some implants and meet another wealthy guy to sponge off of. Like most crass comedies now a-days Bad Teacher doesn't bring much originality to the table it simply takes the played out bits and puts a new millennium spin on them. Sort of like Cameron Diaz's character going to a lot of trouble to scrummage up $9,800 for breast implants. Still Bad Teacher manages to be slightly more amusing than I expected and actually not as crass as I thought it would have been, minus a small amount of nudity (which before you ask, is not from Diaz) the horrible PG-13 Dinner For Schmucks is a lot more offensive and just down right un-amusing to boot. Still this isn't one for the kiddies. 7/10

Horrible Bosses (2011)

Three friends reach the end of the line in terms of coping with their harassing bosses and get into a boatload of trouble in an attempt to regain control of their work lives. Another crass comedy that definitely succeeds in being so. Once again nothing really new here and at times it's completely predictable. Although it's slightly saved by the great cast that make up the actual "horrible bosses", being Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston, who all gave very convincing and entertaining performances. The last twenty minutes of the film succeeds in being very exciting, while everything leading up to it is more or less average with highlights of hilarity usually brought to you by Jamie Foxx. Also a little more screen time for Aniston's character would have been nice to balance out the overly male centric cast. 6/10

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

A film I was looking forward to seeing back in mid 2010 when they first started showing previews, then they stopped promoting it and I never heard anything about it again until it was finally released earlier this year and seemingly flopped in the theaters. It actually ended up being quite a good science fiction thriller, an odd combination of The Matrix, Dark City, and Inception. Matt Damon is always an excellent choice for these types of "on the run" thrillers, and although the plot requires a little bit of suspended belief if you can get past them you'll find a highly entertaining film. 8/10

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Another old school classic cult film that benefited from the pre-CGI days of Hollywood film making. It's the look and the classic style of special effects that make a film like this hold up thirty years later. The acting is absolutely horrible most of the time, and the film's continuous dose of comedy and catchy pop tunes sometimes overshadows scenes that were obviously meant to be somewhat scary, but I still found myself fairly well entertained. Throw in the lovely Jenny Agutter and the continuous popping up of the main character's decomposing best friend and An American Werewolf in London is definitely one of those cult classics earns it's reputation. 7/10

An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

This is what happens when you attempt to recreate the success of a 1980's cult classic without any of the same ingrediants that made the original work. This film has the quality of a direct to DVD release, so imagine my shock when I learned the budget for this film was actually 22 million! Where did all that money go? I assume it all went into the horrible CGI werewolves which stand out like sore thumbs. They might have been able to churn this film out quicker going the CGI route, but when the original grossed more on a 10 million dollar budget and is an overall a far superior film, was it worth it? Everything from the quality of the filming to the insanely stupid storyline, bad acting and script make this one a pointless mess. You simply can't duplicate classic cult films by cutting corners and replacing early special effects with computer graphics, it's never worked and it never will. 3/10

True Grit (2010)

My vote for the funniest movie of 2010! Yes, you read that right. I haven't laughed so much during a movie in recent years as I did watching this film. Intentional or not the combination of Jeff Bridges harking Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, the dry humor of Hailee Steinfeld, and Matt Damon as the cornball Texas Ranger, La Boeuf, was pure unadulterated entertainment. Without the humor I can only imagine how stale and tiresome this film could have been, but the Coen brothers seamlessly threaded it throughout the film, marvelously balancing out the drama and the humor to make a western that truly is unique. 8/10

The Tourist (2010)

Johnny Depp in a somewhat normal role is a rare sight to see. His natural mild demeanor plays well into the character Frank Tupelo, a math teacher from the United States whose picked off a train going to Venice by Angelina Jolie (Elise) as she attempts to make the authorities believe Depp is her boyfriend whose been on the run for about two years for tax fraud and stealing an enormous amount of money from a mob boss. The Tourist isn't your typical thriller, most of the film is very uneventful in terms of action, and is really more of a bizarre melding of romance with thriller. The chemistry between Depp and Jolie isn't great, but with the breathtaking locations and Depp's nervous wit even the multiple slow spots aren't excruciating. What saved the film for me was the big twist at the end which I never saw coming; it definitely made the film's rather slow start worth sitting through. 6/10

Sands of the Kalahari (1965)

The combination of Stanley Baker (who I thought was great in Hell Drivers) and the awesome looking poster drew me in. Unfortunately Sands of the Kalahari quickly becomes rather tiresome as it grows into your run of the mill survival film where one man takes control of the party and members start "mysteriously" disappearing, apparently volunteering to trek off into the wilderness to their death. The only real unique aspect to the film are the killer monkeys which are prominently featured on the poster and had originally sparked my interest. They're given sporadic screen time throughout the film, and finally see some action at the very end, but by then it was too little too late for me. 5/10

Despicable Me (2010) - Gru (Steve Carrell) plans to become the greatest super villain in the world by shrinking the moon and stealing it. Only once he becomes guardian of three little girls does he notice his priorities begin to change. Not being a big fan of animation Despicable Me is one of my few exceptions, it's got heart, comedy and best of all it's got Minion's! I love a film that has a pack of gimmicky supporting characters (it's the reason I love Return of the Jedi because of those lovable Ewoks) and the Minion's are about as gimmicky as they come. 8/10

Due Date (2010) - Peter Highmen (Robert Downey Jr.) is trying to get home to his wife, played by Michelle Monaghan, whose about to give birth to their first child. Only a constant run in with annoying wannabe actor Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis) proves to be Peter's road block to getting home safely and on time. Due Date is a modern day re-molding of Planes, Trains & Automobiles with Steve Martin and John Candy and only slightly less annoying. I've never been a fan of Galifianakis and I doubt I ever will (he's definitely no John Candy), though both he and Downey are pretty well cast in their prospective roles. Still the laughs are few and far between and the film is shot in a rather odd style that gives it a direct-to-DVD feel. Still it's slightly less repetitive than it's mentor and the funny little dog is an added bonus. 6/10

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) - Neal Page (Steve Martin) is trying to get home to his family for Thanksgiving yet everything seems to be against him and the root of most of his misfortune is shower curtain-ring salesmen Del Griffith (John Candy). With a great comedy duo, Planes, Trains & Automobiles works for a while until the unending repetitive physical hijinxs that Candy causes Martin begins to grow extremely tiresome. This film has more heart than it's modern day reproduction Due Date, but the comedy simply grows stale rather quickly. 5/10

The Book of Eli (2010)

Mad Max meets I Am Legend. The Book of Eli is an interesting post-apocalyptic film about a man on a mission with a pretty surprising twist at the end. A couple stellar, gory action scenes and good performances by Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman. Though the film suffers at times from slow pacing and a rather corny plot. 7/10

My Name is Nobody (1973)

Sergio Leone, the guy that brought you some of films most classic Spaghetti Westerns helms the idea for this bizarre twist on the cult genre. Starring Henry Fonda and Terence Hill, My Name is Nobody follows the fastest gun in the west Jack Beauregard (Fonda) as he attempts to make his way to Europe and retire. Yet Jack is continually hounded by a young smart aleck named Nobody (Hill), who keeps pressuring him to go out in a blaze of glory and fight The Wild Bunch (a 150 man posse). This comedy Spaghetti Western is amusing for a while but Hill's antics soon begin to grow a little old, and the incredibly corny theme song played every-time The Wild Bunch start riding along began to grade on my nerves. Still definitely a must see for any Spaghetti Western enthusiast. 6/10

The Woman in Red (1984)

Kelly LeBrock's first of very few feature films sees her as the object of Gene Wilder's desire, a happily married man who cavorts with a bunch of womanizing friends whose bad behavior starts to rub off on him when he see's this lovely creature in a red dress. LeBrock is somewhere near the top of my list of actresses whom I wise had more of a career. Aside from her first two films (which was this and Weird Science) her career stalled pretty fast. The Woman in Red is a mediocre comedy, and would have benefited from much more of an on screen involvement from LeBrock, instead there's a lot of repetitive and played out comedy from Gene Wilder (whose career was also beginning to stall about this time) and Gilda Radner, who'd be in two more films before her death. 5/10

Gossip Girl - Season 2 (2008)

The worst thing I feared that could happen to the Gossip Girl series begins to corrode the addictive nature of the show in Season 2, repetition. How many times do Dan and Serena (Blake Lively) have to break up and get back together again before the writers believe the audience will say "enough"!?! For me kicking off Season 2 with their brief relationship re-kindling was a loud warning that this is probably going to be an on going occurrence, and it is. While the season starts out on a high it quickly begins to falter, whether due to repetition, or character story-lines that seem to be a filler, Season 2 becomes extremely predictable. With seven more episodes than Season 1, Season 2 took me a little longer to get through, some of the story-lines were hard to get excited about or were severely beaten to death, and the continuing saga between Lily and Rufus is not interesting at all. Amazingly enough when I averaged out my individual ratings the total score matched what I had given to Season 1, so the extra seven episodes didn't manage to taint the average but they did manage to make the season a little harder to consume. 7/10

Idiocracy (2006)

Is this satire or a shocking glimpse into what possibly might become the future of mankind if IQ's continue to drop and social media, combined with the number of TV channels begins to rise? Idiocracy is an interesting and at times scary look at what our society could eventually morph into. Sure it's a little overblown for the sake of comedy, but so many aspects of this film are clearly drawn from what the writers have seen in society today. In terms of entertainment value Idiocracy is hilarious for the first 45 minutes then slowly becomes a little played out as the jokes and the stupidity of the world becomes a little less amusing and simply a little annoying. But with a C-list cast it manages to be a fairly surprising comedy. 6/10

The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)

My filmography viewing of Vincent Price films is sorely lacking, but if The Abominable Dr. Phibes is a staple for the typical Price film I don't plan on expanding my horizons. While the sets and the costumes are beautifully created, the film itself is quite a bore. A conglomeration of Phantom of the Opera and The Mummy, The Abominable Dr. Phibes lacks any real horror and becomes another systematic revenge film with a little oddity about it. I can see why some people like this film, but I cannot understand why some of those people would actually say this is Price at his best. 4/10

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