Robot Holocaust (1986)

When searching for a B-movie to watch the old adage "don't judge a book by it's cover" comes to mind. Why? Well because B-movies have some of the best movie posters out there, but alas it's all but a ploy to suck you into watching something you'd probably be better off putting together yourself. And in most cases I honestly believe the cost of designing some of these awesome posters costs more than the actual film!

Robot Holocaust takes place after the robots of the world have destroyed all the cities forcing man to become their slaves by polluting the air outside the cities and putting them into labor camps where they help to provide a specific power level for the leader known as the Dark One. But there are a band of "warriors" that live outside the city in the wasteland who are capable of breathing the poisoned air and are combining forces to take back the cities. A man named Neo leads a sparse group gathered from the city to defeat the Dark One and reclaim power for the human race.

First off I'd like to know why every time there is a nuclear fallout or hostile takeover of the planet that man reverts back to the barbarian times. No clothes survived the robots take over of Earth? Everyone is forced to dress like they've stepped out of Conan the Barbarian, not only does this not make any sense but it seems to me it's an unnecessary production cost, unless they had the costumes sitting around, which probably was the case. Come to find out Robot Holocaust was both written and directed a man named Tim Kincaid, who according to IMDb.com usually dabbles as writer and director of gay porn! Fortunately nothing of that sort is in this film, but that should be a fair enough warning of the quality of this science fiction film.

Another interesting fact that might have stopped me from watching this was that 90% of the cast has never been in any other movie, a good sign of what kind of talent one can expect to see. Angelika Jager is the best actor in the film, she plays Valaria the Dark One's second in command, but she delivers her lines with longer pauses than Captain Kirk. Throw in an evil robot who looks like a lobster, and a totally pointless and bizarre scene with Valaria in something call the pleasure chamber (basically a rotating cage and no clue where the pleasure came from), and Robot Holocaust definitely isn't worth the watch. Everything about this film is so bad I eventually started nodding off due to boredom, although I will complement them on the makeup of Valaria near the film's conclusion that was pretty good. In the end, will I stop watching B-movies based on the posters alone? Probably not, but I'll definitely be a little more weary next time. This film has been done on an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 which can be found on YouTube, that's the way I recommend viewing this.

2/10