Whiteout (2009)

Since Whiteout probably won't be on many of your watch lists this weekend, I guess I'll be the one to provide you with the truth about a film that the critics seem quick to categorize as one of the worst films of the year. If you're a Rotten Tomatoes fan, you'll notice Whiteout received an overall rating of 8% from the "critics", personally I stopped putting stock in the critics long ago when I realized most of them are into things that are artsy fartsy, and less into films that are just enjoyable.

First off it's important to clear up the misconception that Whiteout is in someway a remake of John Carpenter's, The Thing. Other than the arctic setting the two films are in no way related, Whiteout is a straight and simple crime thriller, nothing science fiction here. Although a remake of The Thing starring Kate Beckinsale would probably be quite awesome, that's unfortunately not the case here. In this film Kate Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, a US Marshall stationed in the desolate ice desserts of Antarctica. It's on a small outpost on the South Pole where shes been the last couple years trying to forget an occurrence from her past. But the change of scenery hasn't helped much and Carrie has reached the conclusion it's time for her to throw in the towel. But shortly before her departure back to civilization, Carrie receives a call about a body discovered in the middle of No Man's Land. It's the first of a series of killings revolving around the discovery of something that's been buried deep within the ice for over 50 years.

Kate Beckinsale's recent choice of roles is rather confusing as of late. I understand not wanting to be typecast as the action chick in black spandex, but Kate's recent trio of independent clunkers (which most people will never see), followed by this tame thriller, has me wondering if Miss Beckinsale has lost her marbles. As a recognizable actress she should be getting better roles, even bimbo Meagan Fox doesn't seem to have much trouble finding spots in Hollywood blockbusters, why is England's loveliest lady having so much of a challenge? Now Whiteout is by no means bad, in fact I enjoyed this film much more than the recent teen love-fest of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Anyone who says Whiteout is boring and then goes on to rave about how two and a half hours of Harry Potter 90210 is fantastic film making needs to get their head examined, I'm pointing at you RT critics!

With that said Whiteout's biggest issue is the story, there really is no other faults, the story is simply not what one would expect from a quality thriller, there's just no engaging mystery to it. If you can't figure out whose in on the caper you should be able to easily narrow it down to a couple of individuals. But the one thing the film does have going for it is the squeamish factor, there are quite a few scenes in the film that will definitely make you cringe. Overall, if I had to sum it up Whiteout I would say it would have been a great direct to DVD release, that's the basic quality of the story and really about all it's worth, but if you have nothing better to do on a Saturday morning, like myself, for 96 minutes and a couple of dollars (morning showings are pretty cheap) your not being robbed by seeing this, and it's far from the worst movie of the year. I do think at this point Kate needs to reconsider a return to the Underworld series, which at least has put out better films than what she's been in lately.

6/10