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Showing posts with label 6/10. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 6/10. Show all posts

Star Trek - Season 2 Episode 22: By Any Other Name (1968)


Rounding out Barbara Bouchet's last American television appearance before heading off to Italy and becoming a cult sex symbol, is undoubtedly her most recognized role and what she's most well known for among American audiences still to this day; Kelinda from Star Trek.



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Skyfall (2012)


Bond is back and better than... er... well... better than On Her Majesty's Secret Service, or Octopussy, but definitely not better than ever, in fact while I can't say Skyfall is the worst Bond film ever, it's easily one of the most disappointing considering how the Daniel Craig reboot has been going fairly well so far.  I can't decide whether I actually watched a Bond film or a long drawn out attempt at imitating one, personally I (unlike Bond) would have hit the eject button, on this whole film.


Skyfall sees MI6 in a state of disarray, as Bond is seemingly out of commission and M is the center target of a revenge plot set to bring down her and the British Secret Service by a former agent whom she turned over to the Chinese many years ago (Javier Bardem).  The fate of country rests in the hands of Bond, struggling to regain his edge, and a leader whose on the brink of forced retirement.


As a big Bond fan (Bond Special Edition Reviews) I was looking forward to the franchise's return after four years of limbo, when the future of the series wasn't clear, due to studio issues.  The previews looked awesome, the cast promising, but in the end Skyfall seemed to be more interested in ticking boxes and rehashing aspects of the old films than actually combining those elements into a cohesive entertaining film.  Looking at all the praise for Skyfall leaves me utterly confused, how in the world can this be considered one of the best Bond films ever?  Have these people seen a film in the franchise prior to Daniel Craig's entry?  For a film that seems to be all about "moving forward" Skyfall spends an awful lot of time bringing up greater aspects from Bond films of the last 50 years instead of making any of it's own.


To the film's credit it starts off with a bang, as with most Bond films the pre-credit action sequence is usually meant to get the audience pumped up for the film and it succeeds in that regard, followed by theme song by Adele, which is easily the best of the last three themes.  From there Skyfall begins to take a slow decent into boredom, occasionally showing a glimmer of hope but ultimately returning to plod along at a snails pace with a story that is both uninteresting and definitely not warranting such a long run-time.  At times they have to remind you you're actually watching a Bond film by bringing up some classic past moment in the franchise, queue the introduction of Q and his one liner that they no longer produce exploding pens, or dusting off the old Aston Martin and giving those built in machine guns a spin.  While these were cute little winks at the Sean Connery years, that's something one usually does in the first film of a reboot series, not three films in.


Next we see main characters taking a backseat to M... while Judi Dench is a fine actress M has never been a very interesting character, so to essentially center the entire film around her, and limit other major character's screen-time was a move I think really added to the dragging down of the film.  Characters like Sévérine (Bérénice Marlohe), and even the main villain Silva (Javier Bardem) ended up being sorely underused, compared to their counterparts in other Bond entries.  


Skyfall also spends way too much time trying to cast Bond as too old for the job, what's the point of rebooting a franchise and then two films later you start harking on about how old the main character is?  In the scheme of the franchise it doesn't matter, ultimately Craig will be replaced by some other, younger actor and the series will go on, age was never made an issue with the prior Bond's who were noticeably older in their later outings, so it seems ridiculous to make an issue of it now with a character whose been around 50 years and will undoubtedly be around 50 more.


Overall, Skyfall fell pretty flat for me. Reducing Bond to "aging" spy, attempting to build an entire story-line around M, reducing the main Bond girl's role to a couple of scenes, and rehashing a lot of past films in a way that it seemed Skyfall had nothing to offer on it's own.  Skyfall has it's moments but for the most part it felt like filler to me, an excuse to bridge a gap between the reboot of the series and the original films which didn't need to be done.  While the prior outing, Quantum of Solace, may not have been the best Bond effort, at least it was short, sweet, never dull and fit the overall Bond mold well.  Lot's of people seem to be comparing Skyfall to the lofty heights of Casino Royale, fact is Skyfall pales in comparison, lacking the originality, well constructed story, and pace, in other words it's simply another long winded action film attempting to emulate Bond.  In the end, it's Daniel Craig's You Only Live Twice, so I guess every Bond gets handed a few stinkers.


6/10

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Cliff Note Reviews #13

 
Cliff Note Reviews is an ongoing series where I briefly state my thoughts on recent films I've watched but don't have the desire to create a full review surrounding. Short and to the point opinions on films that might make decent weekend watchers when you have nothing else to do, films to completely stay away from, and occasionally a few highly recommended films that I simply don't feel need to be given a full review due to already overexposure.

Maroc 7 (1967)
As far as Euro-spy films go Maroc 7 isn't half bad, sure the story is ridiculous, the acting pretty awful and the twists somewhat predictable at times, but it's essentially a sub genre of B-movie so this is all something you should expect ahead of time.   For me entertainment is the key to these films and does it keep a brisk pace and hold your attention?  Maroc 7 ticked all those boxes for me, I was pleasantly surprised.  You can check it out on Netflix Instant.   7/10




Society (1989)
Society is bizarre, for me that was about the only thing that kept me watching.  Actually a majority of the film it's a pretty decent horror / mystery as a kid begins to feel out of place in his snobby family and their social network.  But the final twenty minutes where everyone turns to putty and starts sucking on each other takes it all to a whole other level of bizarreness, for me that's when the film went from mildly entertaining to a blatant attempt to gross out viewers.  It all doesn't add anything to the story and the fact they drag it out for so long seems to suggest they were grasping at straws for an ending and settled on any sort of shock value they could get as it adds nothing more to the film than that.  Throw in the hot young Devin DeVasquez and Society is good for the first hour. 6/10



Five Golden Dragons (1967)
Five Golden Dragons is the type of Euro-spy film that's a chore to sit through.  Between losing interest and falling asleep it took me a total of three individual sittings to make it through this and when it was all said and done I still couldn't figure out the point of the film.  First off the film's plot and purpose was pretty vague and pointless, what's a guy from the US Treasury doing attempting to infiltrate and mob organization based in China?  Second Robert Cummings in the lead only added to this film's pathetic existence, Euro-spy films are corny enough on their own, Cummings simply made it unbearable.  Imagine a second rate Dick Van Dyke in a wannabe James Bond film and that's what you have here.  The only real positive aspect I can comment on is the rest of the cast was pretty good, and in a better film would have brought something to the table, a lot of familiar cult icons such as Margaret Lee (who sings, easily the highlight), Klaus Kinski, Christopher Lee, and Maria Perschy. 3/10

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Cliff Note Reviews #12

Cliff Note Reviews is an ongoing series where I briefly state my thoughts on recent films I've watched but don't have the desire to create a full review surrounding.  Short and to the point opinions on films that might make decent weekend watchers when you have nothing else to do, films to completely stay away from, and occasionally a few highly recommended films that I simply don't feel need to be given a full review due to already overexposure.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows: Part 1 (2010)
While most people have felt the Harry Potter series "just keeps on getting better", my opinon has been quite the opposite, I've thought the series has significantly gotten "stuffier"!  Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was a series low for me with almost no action and a lot of childish love triangles, thankfully Deathly Hollows: Part 1 drags the series out of the mud and picks things up a bit.  Still it's nowhere near as entertaining as the first couple of entries into the series.  It's blatantly clear splitting the final book into two, two and a half hours films was one last greedy money grab to double profits as frankly there isn't enough meat on the bone in Part 1 to warrant such a long run-time, and that's clearly evident by a lot of dragged out dialog scenes, blank stare sessions and landscape shots.  Still it's all an improvement over the angst teenage "twilight" drama of the previous episode, but like the last half of the series probably not something I'll ever want to sit through again.  7/10




Lifeforce (1985)
A unique spin on a plot that was probably played out even in 1985.  Lifeforce attempts to give "new life" to the vampire genre by giving it a science fiction spin.  The idea is interesting for a while, the special effects hold up remarkably well today, and Mathilda May walking around naked for almost the entire film definitely doesn't hurt the eyes, but after 45 minutes it all quickly mashes into simply a bizarre mash up between a vampire/alien invasion that still doesn't offer anything new to either genre.  Patrick Stewart is sorely underused, and would have easily boosted the enjoyment factor of this film if he hadn't been thrown in that the end and given only five minutes, and I would have been more interested in seeing the film taken place solely in space, instead of turning into an alien vampire attack on Britain. 6/10




Witchboard (1986)
When Ouija boards attack!  Witchboard is a boarder-line "so bad, it's good" film, which ultimately means for a B-movie horror film it's okay.  The combination of the ridiculous plot, tremendous over acting by everyone involved and the beautiful redheaded Tawny Kitaen make it a viable Friday night film worth laughing over.  How this ended up spawning two sequels in the early 1990's (and surprise, surprise a remake is currently in the works) I'll never understand, I can only imagine how awful the sequels are, and probably not even cheesy awful.  There's so many far superior 1980's horror films out there this one is for the enthusiasts who simply can never have enough campy horror or people looking to relive some teenage memories. 5/10

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Caliber 9 (1972)


Recently picked up the Fernando Di Leo Crime Collection on Blu-ray.  He's not a director I was previously familiar with, but the fact Barbara Bouchet is featured in one of the films and the price tag for four cult Italian crime films in glorious high definition was an absolute steal at a $24 pre-order I couldn't pass it up.  Di Leo is credited for being the inspiration for Quentin Tarantino's early work.  Not being much of a Tarantino fan I wasn't too sure what to expect, but my growing love for Italian films of the 50's, 60's and 70's gave me a little solace in the fact I should find something to enjoy.

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Serving Sara (2002)

Originally Reviewed
Sunday August 20, 2006
 
This isn't some gangster rap movie where a bunch of hooligans dance off only to end their moves with the triumphant yell of "you got served!" Serving Sara is a film about getting even, beating the system, and of course the only true reason anyone would bother watching this film... Elizabeth Hurley in tight pants.

Matthew Perry plays Joe Tyler, he hunts down people and serves them divorce papers, law suits, you name it. Although as of late Joe has been having a little bit of trouble serving people due to a fellow server who has been tipping off his hits ahead of time making it harder for him to serve them.

Then the big job comes along, some wealthy Texas cattle rancher, played by Bruce Campbell, has hired Joe's company to serve his wife some unexpected divorce papers. But once again Joe's target Sara Moore (Elizabeth Hurley) is tipped off that he is coming and makes a quick run for it. Finally after catching up with Sara Moore, she offers him a rather intriguing proposal. She offers to hire him to serve her husband first in Texas so that she can get half of his fortune, 10% of which she'll give to him, totaling 1 million dollars.  Joe accepts and so begins the race against time as Joe and Sara have to travel to Texas and serve her cheating husband before Joe's rival can catch up with them and serve Sara. 

Serving Sara isn't a great film, but what do you expect from a film with Cedric the Entertainer and Bruce Campbell? And while the film is rather forgettable it still ends up being pretty entertaining while you're watching it. It's definitely not as bad as a lot of people make it out to be, and Matthew Perry and Elizabeth Hurley actually worked quite well together in this rather silly comedy. 

All in all it's much more entertaining than Hurley's other attempt at a "romantic comedy" Bedazzled, which is really wasn't one, but neither is Serving Sara really much of one. Although, in the end it's no where near as corny as Bedazzled and managed to sustain my attention for the entire film so I'll be the second person on RT to give it a barely fresh rating.

6/10

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Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea - Season 2 Episode 6: The Left-Handed Man (1965)

Irwin Allen was the master of 1960's science fiction television, creator of The Time Tunnel, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Land of the Giants, and my personal favorite Lost In Space, one of the greatest science fiction series of all-time.  But my love for Lost In Space is for another review as this brief look at the episode entitled The Left-Handed Man, of Allen's longest running series Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, is our second TV appearance review in the Barbara Bouchet series.

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In Harm's Way (1965)

Not being a big fan of John Wayne or war films, it took me a couple sittings to make it through In Harm's Way.  Yet for a Barbara Bouchet completest it's a pivotal film which launches her transition from uncredited extra to certified actress.  For everyone else it's a melting pot of some very well known actors and actresses including by not limited to Kirk Douglas, Patricia Neal, Burgess Meredith, Carol O'Connor, Larry Hagman and Peter Fonda.

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Casanova '70 (1965)

Comedy is one of the more difficult genres to grasp internationally as every country has their own brand of humor.  British comedy is usually pretty dry and heavily laced with sarcasm, Spanish comedy seems to find adults dressing up a children highly amusing, and Italians seem to be heavily involved in comedies centered around sexual escapades; at least such was the case in the 60's and 70's.  Casanova '70 is easily one of the tamer Italian comedies of this era and undoubtedly one of the better written ones as well.

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Cliff Note Reviews #10

Cliff Note Reviews is an ongoing series where I briefly state my thoughts on recent films I've watched but don't have the desire to create a full review surrounding.  Short and to the point opinions on films that might make decent weekend watchers when you have nothing else to do, films to completely stay away from, and occasionally a few highly recommended films that I simply don't feel need to be given a full review due to already overexposure.

Satanik (1968)
A badly deformed doctor gets a new lease on life with a formula that restores her beauty, but the effects are only temporary and the side effects deadly!  Satanik is an odd mixture of Euro-crime meets horror, yet never the less the catchy soundtrack and the stunning Magda Konopka (also known for her smaller role in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth) make this one a decent view for any fan of Italian cult cinema. 7/10



Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973)
A small California town is struck with a series of strange deaths that appear to have been caused by over exertion during intimate relations.  Seems the town is resident to a lovely female with queen bee DNA and she's transforming the city's female population and taking out all the men!  Invasion of the Bee Girls is about as B-movie as it gets.  Nothing says B-movie more than this completely ridiculous plot that makes absolutely no sense, extremely campy dialog, multiple scenes of nudity, and the overly bizarre bee women transformation sequence where the victim is covered in pancake batter, zapped with radiation and stuck in a chamber where they're covered in bees.  Despite the fact they emerge as man killing bee women, the process seems to be quite a proficient external makeover!  The highlight of the film is easily cult B-movie actress Anitra Ford, whose catalog of roles is pretty limited to mostly TV series guest appearances and a few other cheesy roles.  She plays sultry head queen bee who moonlights as a scientist, I got a kick out of the fact her character wears sun-glasses all the time inside and even at night, yet everyone is too stupid to bother to comment on this or her other bizarre activities, I guess beauty trumps bizarre.   The film also co-stars another When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth veteran, Victoria Vetri, in a rather odd role for her as a scientist.   6/10



The Velvet Vampire (1971)
Vampire films are a dime a dozen, and B-movie vampire films are simply too numerous to count, but I've yet to see one more bizarre than The Velvet Vampire, which can be the only explanation why I actually sat through the entire 80 minutes of this truly horrible film.  Basic premise, attractive woman (a vampire) ventures into the big city and invites a young unsuspecting couple to her desert getaway where she toys with them before going in for the kill.  Just the idea of a vampire living in the desert breaks almost all the rules of the generational myths.  Aside from that the story is extremely pointless, plodding and the main characters extremely annoying.  Only positive thing I can say is the Thai movie poster for this film is fantastic, so the film's existence isn't a complete waste.  3/10


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Cliff Note Reviews #9

Cliff Note Reviews is an ongoing series where I briefly state my thoughts on recent films I've watched but don't have the desire to create a full review surrounding.  Short and to the point opinions on films that might make decent weekend watchers when you have nothing else to do, films to completely stay away from, and occasionally a few highly recommended films that I simply don't feel need to be given a full review due to already overexposure.

Morning Glory (2010)
Becky Fuller (Rachel McAdams) has a few months to turn around a dying Morning Show or her dreams of prime time news producer will forever be lost.  But how do you save a show that's really got no hope of survival?  I've loved Hollywood's girl next door (Rachel McAdams) ever since I saw Red Eye, and loved her even more when I finally got around to seeing The Notebook; throw in one of my all-time favorites (Harrison Ford) as the grumpy old man and not loving this film would have been difficult!  It's a refreshing, well assembled comedy that falters only when it attempts to throw in a romantic twist with McAdams and Patrick Wilson, an aspect of the film that adds nothing to the story except slows it down. 8/10




Bad Teacher (2011)
After getting kicked to the curb by her wealthy fiancee, who realizes she was only using him for his money, Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) goes back to her old job of teaching junior high with the goal of saving up enough cash to buy some implants and meet another wealthy guy to sponge off of. Like most crass comedies now a-days Bad Teacher doesn't bring much originality to the table it simply takes the played out bits and puts a new millennium spin on them.  Sort of like Cameron Diaz's character going to a lot of trouble to scrummage up $9,800 for breast implants.  Still Bad Teacher manages to be slightly more amusing than I expected and actually not as crass as I thought it would have been, minus a small amount of nudity (which before you ask, is not from Diaz) the horrible PG-13 Dinner For Schmucks is a lot more offensive and just down right un-amusing to boot.  Still this isn't one for the kiddies. 7/10






Horrible Bosses (2011)
Three friends reach the end of the line in terms of coping with their harassing bosses and get into a boatload of trouble in an attempt to regain control of their work lives.  Another crass comedy that definitely succeeds in being so.  Once again nothing really new here and at times it's completely predictable.  Although it's slightly saved by the great cast that make up the actual "horrible bosses", being Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston, who all gave very convincing and entertaining performances.  The last twenty minutes of the film succeeds in being very exciting, while everything leading up to it is more or less average with highlights of hilarity usually brought to you by Jamie Foxx.  Also a little more screen time for Aniston's character would have been nice to balance out the overly male centric cast. 6/10

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The Possessed (1965)

The Possessed (or La mujer del lago) is one of those films I was initially excited to see upon reading the synopsis, then slightly disappointed when it was completed, as I realized I didn't read it close enough.  The synopsis on IMDb.com reads
When a visitor arrives in a small Italian village, he discovers that the residents are acting like soul-less zombies--and he begins to suspect that they may be under the influence of a mysterious local woman.
Zombie's and giallo, wouldn't that be a film worth seeing!  Well, in my defense that's a rather poor and semi-misleading summary of the film, and extraordinarily broad.

The Possessed follows Bernard (played by Peter Baldwin who oddly enough went on to direct a lot of classic American television shows from 1964-2002 ending with one of my adolescent favorites Even Stevens!) a writer who travels to a small Italian village he frequently vacationed to as a child.  His routine is to rent a hotel room for a couple months, using the isolation from the bustling city as an occasion to clear his head and gain some inspiration for his writing.  He checks in at the usual locale, an old family run hotel which appears to be on it's last leg, and gets ready to settle into his month long stay.  But Bernard hasn't come solely for relaxation or inspiration, he's come back to see someone he was secretly pining for upon his last visit.

The object of his desire is the lovely housemaid Tilde (Virna Lisi), a beautiful exotic blonde with blistering eyes who instantly engrossed his every thought.  But to his dismay Tilde was no where to be seen.  When he inquired about her from the owner of the establishment he received some startling news, Tilde was dead.  She had committed suicide not more than a year prior.  None of this made sense to Bernard, he hadn't known her very well but she certainly didn't seem like the type of person to take her own life.  Something did not add up, and some people in the town didn't seem to be too convinced it was suicide either, the strange mystery surrounding her death and the constant flood of memories trailing through his head since he last arrived only fueled him to investigate this further.  Somewhere the truth lay buried within the deteriorating walls of the old hotel, and Bernard was determined to uncover all he could!

The Possessed is another Italian thriller, similar to Libido that really straddles the fence in terms of being lumped into the sub-genre of "giallo". Most of the film is spent uncovering the mystery of an off screen death, while any real violence is saved for the climax.  Going into the film I didn't know what to expect as there's not much information on this film readily available, even the IMDb summary is pretty broad.  In terms of flow The Possessed is slow at times but when the main character finally begins to make some headway in his investigation it does get rather interesting, and the climax was definitely not too overly predictable.

The lovely Virna Lisi is definitely an excuse to track this film down.  Her role is limited to the main character's flashbacks and she doesn't have much dialog but her beauty definitely adds to the haunting atmosphere of the film.  Apparently Lisi was a rather popular Italian actress during the 60's and 70's, comparable in looks to a Marilyn Monroe.  Overall, The Possessed is a worth while film for fans of the Italian thriller.  It's average at best, but definitely has a few qualities that make it memorable and worth checking out.

6/10 
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Briganti – Amore e libertà (1990)

Briganti – Amore e libertà (Bandits – Love and Liberty) is probably another made for TV film as some sources actually refer to La riffa as her first major film role.  I also happens to be another film I was only able to locate in Italian without subtitles.  The story takes place in 1838 Naples where a bandit named Caruso is shot and killed by one of Baron San Germano's trusted men who finds Caruso in the middle of love making in one of the Baron's barns.  The woman becomes pregnant and gives birth to a boy named Giovanni, she becomes the nurse of the the Baron's orphaned niece Costanza.  Thirteen years later Giovanni and Costanza are discovered making out in the courtyard in the middle of the night, enraged the Baron sends Costanza to a convent and Giovanni to his death.

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Vita coi figli (1990)

As someone who has never been fond of foreign films that force the viewer to read subtitles, this was one of those occasions where subtitles would have been fondly welcome.  As I delve into the filmography of Monica Bellucci I'm learning to prepare myself for an onslaught of foreign films, many (such as this two part TV mini-series) not available with English dubbing or subtitles.  It's an interesting experience watching a film without knowing exactly what any of the characters are saying, having to decipher the film's plot through the characters facial expressions, tones and mannerisms.  It also forces you to pay close attention to what's going on, because every detail can lend some information as to exactly what's going on.  Obviously the level of possible enjoyment is slightly diminished in such a situation, but oddly enough sitting through about a three hour mini-series in Italian, without translation, turned out to be not as bad as I imagined it would be.

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Cliff Note Reviews #7

 
Cliff Note Reviews is an ongoing series where I briefly state my thoughts on recent films I've watched but don't have the desire to create a full review surrounding.  Short and to the point opinions on films that might make decent weekend watchers when you have nothing else to do, films to completely stay away from, and occasionally a few highly recommended films that I simply don't feel need to be given a full review due to already overexposure.

True Grit (2010)
My vote for the funniest movie of 2010!  Yes, you read that right.  I haven't laughed so much during a movie in recent years as I did watching this film.    Intentional or not the combination of Jeff Bridges harking Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, the dry humor of Hailee Steinfeld, and Matt Damon as the cornball Texas Ranger, La Boeuf, was pure unadulterated entertainment.  Without the humor I can only imagine how stale and tiresome this film could have been, but the Coen brothers seamlessly threaded it throughout the film, marvelously balancing out the drama and the humor to make a western that truly is unique. 8/10



The Tourist (2010)
Johnny Depp in a somewhat normal role is a rare sight to see.  His natural mild demeanor plays well into the character Frank Tupelo, a math teacher from the United States whose picked off a train going to Venice by Angelina Jolie (Elise) as she attempts to make the authorities believe Depp is her boyfriend whose been on the run for about two years for tax fraud and stealing an enormous amount of money from a mob boss.  The Tourist isn't your typical thriller, most of the film is very uneventful in terms of action, and is really more of a bizarre melding of romance with thriller.  The chemistry between Depp and Jolie isn't great, but with the breathtaking locations and Depp's nervous wit even the multiple slow spots aren't excruciating.  What saved the film for me was the big twist at the end which I never saw coming; it definitely made the film's rather slow start worth sitting through. 6/10



Sands of the Kalahari (1965)
The combination of Stanley Baker (who I thought was great in Hell Drivers) and the awesome looking poster drew me in.  Unfortunately Sands of the Kalahari quickly becomes rather tiresome as it grows into your run of the mill survival film where one man takes control of the party and members start "mysteriously" disappearing, apparently volunteering to trek off into the wilderness to their death.  The only real unique aspect to the film are the killer monkeys which are prominently featured on the poster and had originally sparked my interest.  They're given sporadic screen time throughout the film, and finally see some action at the very end, but by then it was too little too late for me. 5/10

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Sex and the Single Girl (1964)

Sex and the Single Girl is the final uncredited role in the early career of Barbara Bouchet and a fitting follow-up to our last Bouchet film Good Neighbor Sam, starring Jack Lemon.  Tony Curtis is Bob Weston, managing editor of the tabloid rag STOP magazine.  After a successful smear article on psychologist and best selling author of Sex and the Single Girl, Helen Brown (Natalie Wood), Weston plans a follow up article in which he looks to uncover whether or not Miss Brown follows her own advice on relationships.

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The Embalmer (1965)

While many of the Italian thrillers of the giallo sub-genre may not be overly par-excellence you it's difficult to make the claim they aren't extremely creative, even to the point of sometimes being bizarrely awful.  The Embalmer (aka Monster of Venice, aka Il mostro di Venezia) is one clear example; an extremely mediocre thriller with an overly campy plot and execution that's strangely entertaining.

If you're a lovely lady you might want to think twice before booking your next trip to Venice.  Not only does the city teeter on the brink of sinking into the sea but you must beware of crazy perverts in scuba gear pulling you into the canals and embalming your beauty for their own twisted pleasure!  Well at least that's what's happening in The Embalmer, a film about a crazy masked man who lives in the depths of a submerged monastery in Venice.  Of course no one would imagine a serial killer pulling victims into the canals, at least the disappearances of women have left the police baffled.  But a young newspaper reporter thinks there's a bigger connection, and begins his own investigation in what he believes to be the work of a monster.

In terms of a thriller, The Embalmer fails on almost all accounts.  The plot is extremely over-the-top, the villain at times almost comical, and the music rarely fits the mood of any given scene.  Yet ironically at the same time those failures are what make this film quite entertaining in an entirely different way.  I loved the fact that the streets of Venice seemed to become completely deserted when it became dark.  Most of the victims were not walking around at three in the morning, they were going home from work or a gathering with friends, is there an eight o'clock curfew or something?  Then the killer putting on a scuba suit, pulling his victims into the canals, taking them to his under sea lair and pumping them full of chemicals to display their everlasting beauty on his wall... need I say more!?!

Overall, The Embalmer won me over with it's pure creative nature, even though technically it's not a great or even good film.  For the genre it's definitely stands out as being a little overly bizarre and unintentionally comically entertaining, but as a growing fan of the classic 50's & 60's B-Movie it was an entertaining diversion and an interesting side note in the giallo genre.  

6/10

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What Lies Beneath (2000)

Originally Reviewed
Sunday October 30, 2005

Two great actors in possibly one of the worst genres of film one could imagine them together in. Of course the combination of Harrison Ford (one of my all-time favorite actors) and Michelle Pfeiffer would make one wonder how anything could possibly go wrong? Well, the acting was great, it's the story that's simply terrible. Claire Spencer (Pfeiffer) is the wife of Dr. Norman Spencer (Ford), she has the feeling that their next door neighbor killed his wife and she's come back from the dead an is trying to contact her. As Claire begins to dig up information she's about to discover something a whole a lot more shocking.

To go into much depth would risk giving away the multiple twist and turns in the film, and once you know what happens it's quite pointless to put yourself through some of the tortuously long drawn out scenes. My family and I sat down and watched this film recently and commented about how much we did not remember since our last viewing over three years ago. As the film progressed we began to realize why we'd forgotten or maybe the better word is blocked it from their memory. The story tends to constantly drag on and take more time than is humanly necessary to proceed through a scene, going from slightly suspenseful to terribly annoying. The acting in the film is great, at least by Ford and Pfeiffer, but even their talents can't save this one. In fact I think there should be a rule that A-list actors should not be allowed to do horror films, since 99% of the time they're awful.

With that said I have seen it now three times, and maybe in another three to four years I'll watch it again. It's not a horrible film, but it's one you'll probably wish you hadn't wasted your time on or at least you will fast forward through 10% of it to keep it moving. If you’re looking for a good suspense thriller/horror there are plenty of other options better than this, and many better Harrison Ford films, although this is a rather different role for him which at times is entertaining. If you’re completely bored and have nothing to do... weigh the benefits of going to sleep or watching this, I only recommend it if you're a big fan of either of the leading actors, and I mean BIG FAN! 

6/10 

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